Like A Bird's First Flight
by Serulia Starlight
Summary: It's been years after Beyond left, but your heart still aches at the loss of him. Heartbroken still, your grades fall and don't come back to what they used to be, and life itself seemed unworthy. All this is changed the day that headline was read. YouxBB


A Beyond Birthday Oneshot – Like A Bird's First Flight

Looks: what you want her to look like.

Name: Merinda

Age: 15

* * *

I still remember that day you left.

You left me behind, Beyond. Do you know how crushed I was?

I remember that fateful day as clear as a bird would remember its first flight.

Roger was frantic, searching for you. He had the whole house in a ruckus, you know? The missing kid was successor to L now that A had killed himself. Despite the house only being for geniuses, only a few were up to the actual task. Mello and Near, for example, were the only runner-ups left. And then there was that kid Matt, but secretly, most people doubted that a gaming slacker like him could ever amount to much importance. Those words were exactly what Roger had told the House when we were just notified that you had gone missing. Mello's reaction to being called a simple and insignificant "runner-up" was quite funny, but that was the only time in a long time that I'd vaguely smiled at all. That one little smile was nothing compared to the desperate and crushing sadness, despair and misery I'd felt that day.

I remember miserably dragging myself to my room, choking back the tears as well as I could. The agony of you leaving was horrid. I shouldn't have kept your secret, I thought bitterly to myself as I tirelessly yet so widely awaked flopped onto my bed. You told me you were leaving soon, but I had not the braveness to tell you how much I loved you, and I was too cowardly to tell Roger of your plans for fear of your hatred and anger toward me. I realized, either way I'd be hurt. And so I kept silent. I once read in a book, "Cowardice and love are the same thing." I had not believed it at all. But now I knew the truth of the words.

And I cried myself to sleep that night. I did not care for my roommates that so comfortingly sympathized with my broken heart. But they could do nothing to ail me. He was gone. Gone forever. All the years I'd built my relationship with him, I knew that once he made a decision, he had more than enough resolve to stay through with it.

I mulled through my life at the House, not caring for anything. My grades fell and Roger began having qualms about me, but I could do nothing to stop myself from plunging deeper into this abyss. Thankfully, I've stopped plunging now, and I've slowly been finding tiny footholds in this crevasse-like void to aid myself and slowly climb back up. However, I've fallen so deeply now, that no matter how much I climbed, even for the rest of my life – I would never make it to the top again. It would be impossible, and I knew that much.

* * *

I grimly looked at the calendar, grimacing at the date. Today was the 3rd anniversary…the anniversary of the day Beyond had left the house, and left me heartbroken. My dear Beyond…whenever I thought of him, a dagger of sadness would wedge into my heart, but as long as I directed my thoughts at other things, I would always be able to save myself the few tears that would have been shed.

The breakfast table was lively with chatter at the start of a new day. Dropping my books at the table my friends were at, I began to fill up my plate.

"Merinda!" My name was called, and I looked up to find Linda grinning in my face. She was my best friend. "Look at this picture!" She proudly held up her sketch, and I had to admit it was amazingly well-drawn. Near's face was captured onto paper and made to look like it were three dimensional. "That's great," I praised quietly. The date left me with a somber ache in my chest, a covered hole that had been rediscovered.

Linda noticed. Her eyes turned concerned as she asked me what was wrong. I told her that today was the day. Understanding flashed in her eyes and she offered me a sympathetic smile, intending to comfort me. I was not to be comforted today, and I made it look so by returning her a flat smile. Her face fell slightly, and I wished I had never done so, for my hurt was not to be inflicted upon her as well.

It was just going to be another dull, boring day. Eat breakfast, go to classes, eat lunch, go to classes, get dismissed from our classes, work on assignments, eat dinner, and go to bed. It was redundantly tedious, yet, it could not be more horrible than my painful heartache for my lost love.

Well, it was supposed to be that way.

The headline on the morning papers took my breath away as I read it.

SERIAL KILLER ON THE RUN – VICTIM BELIEVE BRIDESMAID LEFT GRUESOMELY DEAD

A picture of a man with a badly slashed chest, bloody and raw, was on the front page of the paper.

A serial killer? And he was loose? I immediately felt concern for the young ones of the House. Our security was nothing more than an average orphanage might have – cameras, security guards, but nothing else. _Someone like a serial killer could break in…_

I shook my head, scattering the thoughts. Maybe this guy wasn't even close to where we were. I began reading the first few sentences.

"The killing happened on July 31, promptly in the afternoon. This killing was in New York, America…"

Whew. So, he was far away. Far, far away. She breathed a sigh of relief.

The rest of the day went swiftly, mainly due to the fact that I was deep in thought. I'd had a flashback of one time Beyond had spoken to me, one that was small on its own, but in a bigger picture, could mean something much more. One of my most prized memories was the time Beyond had told me he was leaving…besides telling me the fact that he was leaving, he had mentioned a bit about, being on the run after he was gone for a while…I'd remembered the words but I hadn't really bothered to ponder them for their meaning.

"After I leave…I'll achieve something I've always wanted. And I'll be on the run, leading a merry chase…and trust me, it will be entertaining. Far more entertaining than this orphanage." He'd finished the sentence with a smirk that meant more than simply a smirk, and a pang of hurt at the thought that I was nothing worth missing or considered entertaining in the House. I still felt a bit sad, even thinking of it now.

Did Beyond mean that he would be a criminal, having to be on the run after he'd settled to life out of the House? Could it possibly be that…my stomach lurched at the thought. Was it possible that Beyond was the killer in the newspaper?

_No, no_. I shook my head fiercely, earning a few strange looks from the classmates on either side of me. That wasn't possible. The Beyond I knew, the kind, intelligent, and ambitious student, would never find it in him to kill someone…yet, I remember the resolve he'd always have when making any decision at all. If he wanted to, he could become a killer with his name marked down in history…

I shivered. I wanted to believe that it wasn't him, but something at the back of my mind prevented it.

I found trouble going to sleep at night.

Tossing and turning, I stared up, frustrated, at the boards that held up the bunk atop my bed. I hated sleepless nights. They gave me time to assert my life, who I was, and the most dreaded thought – pondering what Beyond thought of me. It gave me time to think of why Beyond left if he had any feelings for me. Resolve, I thought grudgingly, can even overcome love if they're determined enough…I sighed, and turned again. Sleep was going to avoid me the whole night for sure. The thought that Beyond could be a killer chilled my mind awake every time I thought of it.

It must've been around 3am when I heard a strange thudding sound around the ground beneath my window. At first, I thought it was just a nocturnal animal roaming the last hours of the night, but then they got louder, and didn't stop. Now I was a bit interested in the steps. As they proceeded to get even louder, I began to get frightened. Was someone deliberately trying to break in? _What if it was the killer? _The thought sent goose bumps up my back, but then I realized with a pang of an emotion's name that I did not know, that I would be pleased if it were Beyond that were trying to get in to me. After all, he knew where my room was, and if he needed to find me, he'd be able to do it. Then, my thoughts were chilled again as I realized that if it were Beyond and the killer at the same time, then needless to say, Beyond was heartless enough to end someone's life.

I guess I eventually reached my limit, because as frightened yet anticipated I felt, I felt my eyes grow unbearably heavy. With a last feeling of regret that I could not stay up late enough to figure out what – or who – it was at the ground, I closed my eyes and gave in to my dreams.

* * *

I woke up shivering.

The first thought that coursed through my mind was that I was sick, because I also had a throbbing headache. I felt woozy and weak, unable to move.

I tried to call out to Linda, my roommate, but I found that my mouth was bound, and I could not sleep. My eyes shot open with alarm, and with growing horror, the sight above my eyes was not the mahogany boards that held up Linda's bunk. I tried to scream, or at least utter a shriveled little squeak, but then I realized that my arms, neck, and legs were bound. Slowly, I saw a shaded figure unsheathing something. I saw a flash of silver in the breaking dawn's light. My eyes widened in horror as I saw the knife pierce through the air before my chest, I tried to shriek as I prepared for the unbearable spurt of pain –

I woke up screaming, with Linda over my side with a very concerned look on her face as she shook me. "Merinda! I'm so glad you're awake, you were screaming so loud, how horrible was the dream you had?"

I had to wait to catch my breath and let my pulse slow down before I could utter a word. I slowly shook my head, and wiped the sweat off my forehead. "Really bad nightmare…about…killing." I stammered at her. She nodded with wide eyes, and offered her comfort if I ever needed someone to talk to about it. I gratefully nodded, and slunk back into an uneven and jagged sleep, with flashes of terror and blood, one more hour of terrified rest before the day started to finish my 4 hours of sleep.

I went to the classes today with a spooked feeling. The dream had not left me at all, and I was now scared about the sounds I'd heard before I'd fallen asleep to my nightmares. Had they been real, or had I been asleep and dreaming then, too? I decided to ask Linda about them, if she were even awake then to hear the sounds.

I was glad when the classes were over, so I could get to work on my assignments and properly inquire Linda. I arrived to my dormitory first. I took out my calculator and the calculus packet we were assigned, and tried to solve the first problem, although I could not focus. I constantly erased my mistakes, unable to calculate anything without waiting 5 or 6 seconds before my mind could properly register what I was trying to solve. Even then, the answers I came to were incorrect.

Evaluate the sum.

∑ ⁿ (1+i/ n)(2/n)

I stared at the problem for a long time, my hand absentmindedly writing down whatever came to mind.

I wasn't thinking clearly and all my calculations eventually dwindled down into meaningless scribbles on the worksheet. My nightmare was still clearly branded in my mind, and thinking of Beyond left my heart feeling like it was being stabbed with needles. I just sighed and pushed aside the work, proceeding to stare plaintively at the beige wall illuminated before my desk lamp.

I started when a sharp rap at my window jolted me out of my daydreaming.

I couldn't look at the window in fear, gripping my cell phone, ready to dial 911 at any moment. With a frightened look on my face and wide eyes, I turned to confront what I feared most – the killer waiting at my window to stab me to death.

A woodpecker harmlessly pecked on my window, mistakening the glass for wood.

I let out a sigh of unbearable relief, and almost laughed with foolishness as my heart slowly calmed down and my clammy hands were not looking so terribly pale. I almost fell for the same trick when the door to my dorm creaked open and I jumped and almost screamed. It was just Linda entering. I was getting way too paranoid these past few days…_I knew I should've slept in for breakfast yesterday,_ I thought grudgingly. _It would've earned me the rest I need, as well as saving me this serial killer nonsense and fright_.

Linda noticed my absentmindedness and came over to me, asking what was wrong. I took a breath, and decided that confiding in her wouldn't hurt. I told her about the nightmare, and she listened and offered good advice. I was thankful for a friend like her. She also offered to help me with my homework, as she could clearly see that I wasn't in it to finish it right now. I felt deep gratitude toward her again, and I scolded myself for acting like such a mope around her yesterday. I didn't deserve such kindness she gave me.

While she was with me, I heard a soft tap on the window again, and an even softer patter of footfalls on the ground beneath my window, but I dismissed my observations and didn't think of them again.

* * *

Working until Linda was fast asleep in her bed, I finally clicked off my light, satisfied with the work I'd managed to finish, despite my near-empty frame of mind. The trick was to simply try to incorporate everything about killers and Beyond. It was a bit ridiculous, but I could not find any other way to get the work done. For math, I'd pretended the answer was how many more years it took for me to see Beyond again, or how many hours I had left until I was murdered by the serial killer. I preferred thinking of the first option. With this method, I'd pushed through calculus, algebra, ELA, quantum physics, astral projection. It wasn't easy, but I'd managed to do it well enough. I really hoped I'd done enough to earn a 90 or so – I didn't feel like listening to Roger's redundant lecture on "fulfilling your expectations and taking hold of your future."

All was okay, and I was even actually humming "Lithium" by Evanescence while stacking my books away and changing into pajamas. All was okay until the footsteps were heard under my window again. I froze.

This time there was no Linda to distract the sounds on. There was no shoulder to lean on and confide my fears in, and although Linda was still here – just sleeping – I doubt she'd be very happy to listen to my laments when snapping her out of her sleep at 2:13am.

I tried to reassure myself by thinking that I could just scream and Linda would wake up and hear me, and all would be okay. But then, I wondered if my mouth were to be bound and my limbs chained if I really _were_ to be kidnapped. Then I couldn't scream, nor make a fuss and struggle. The thought sent a chill up my spine, but I told myself I was being horribly paranoid and childish. _That would never happen!_ Even in my thoughts, I sounded as if I was trying to convince myself of that thought than truly believing so.

Gathering a breath as the footsteps stopped right beneath my window, I blinked in fear and slowly creeped to the window side. With growing shudders and goose bumps, I cautiously peered out my window. A shriek caught in my throat when I saw a shady figure hunched right beneath my sight, but when I blinked and attempted to stumble backward; limbs paralyzed in fear; it disappeared.

_And now my fears are making me hallucinate,_ I thought ever so grudgingly with a sigh and a pounding heart. _It was obviously just a shadow. After all, the trees do make pretty weird looking shadows when light shines on them._

It wasn't until I climbed into bed that I realized that the moon was thickly blocked by clouds, and that there stars were too. There was no possibility of enough light to create such an ominous and large shadow.

It was harder for me to dismiss this thought than the sounds that I'd heard with Linda earlier.

* * *

The next few days passed quite the same. There were occasional footsteps, but I survived without scaring myself to death. I also survived the dull and repetitive classes, and barely survived the plentiful and long assignments that hailed upon me like a ferocious storm at its climax. In fact, I barely thought of the killer anymore, and not every little sound frightened me to the point of jumping and nearly screaming anymore. _That is how it should be,_ I thought to myself.

All was peaceful. Though the reminiscent of my heartbreak due to Beyond lingered a bit longer than my fear for the serial killer, I was okay. I made new friends. I appreciated Linda much more. I managed to get through my assignments quicker, and actually get an extra hour or two of rest. I cherished the nights I were able to sleep.

I one day decided that, although I liked the way my room was already, it needed a bit more…pizzazz. Linda offered to go with me, but I told her that she had her art classes the day I decided I would be going, and she needed the time for her extra mound of work that day. And so, that day, we bid each other a cheerful goodbye and I promised her I'd be back within an hour and a half. "Any time much later, and call the police. I'll most likely be kidnapped by a serial killer," I even added jokingly. We both laughed and I departed the House's iron gates, the clock bell chiming 5:00pm.

My mother, when she had been alive, had always reminded me that going out when it was dark; was unsafe; let alone going out in the dark, alone. That was when I had been a wee child. I was 15 now, turning 16 in the month of January. Considering it was the 22nd of December, I was not far off from being 16. I would be safe enough on my own; also; if anything were to go wrong – I had my cell phone with me. 3 buttons, 3 pushes, and 2 seconds, I'd have the police onto me immediately if I dialed 911. Safety should not be a large problem. Thinking of my birthday excited me, for that meant both Christmas and my birthday would be celebrated ostentatiously. The weekends of holidays were always homework-free, or at least with far less homework than we'd usually have on our hands.

I strolled into the little electronic store, and the bell chimed cheerfully as I pushed the door opened and entered. Relieved of the cold wintry air; I greeted the doorman kindly and began walking toward the laptop section. I was soon to be 16; I soon needn't have to walk all the way to our computer lab to simply type and print an assignment. I could finish it on the laptop, and then connect it to the printer in the copy room down the hall – and many steps and much time would be saved by not going to the other end of the House to the studying hall.

Promptly 25 minutes later, with the store employees' help, I'd identified my laptop of choice. The sleek black HP Pavilion Entertainment PC would provide me with well enough services, and it wasn't too pricey. Content with a vague smile on my face, I exited, telling the clerk I'd be back in a week or two to claim my laptop. I could not buy it now; for I'd not enough money. Still; the thought of my own laptop – without having to walk across the House and share the cramped computer room with many other students of various ages I did not know – was a great relief, and the icy blast of wind that greeted me as I walked out the store did not dampen my lightening mood.

It was darker still out; with a fine and powdery snow falling serenely from the pale gray clouds above my head. The tall black streetlights; decorated with red ribbons and wreaths; lit my way as I walked back the wet sidewalk to the House. Many other people were also roaming the streets, and I had no fear whatsoever of being chased and kidnapped without at least several dozen other people witnessing.

I squinted my eyes at the shadowy outline of the House, sitting atop a slightly elevated hill with private roads. It wasn't far off from the downtown of our city; and it was a short walk away from the closest strip of downtown shops. I pulled on my hood; feeling the wind chill my ears and cheeks to a reddening state.

Suddenly, loud and uneven footsteps were heard behind me.

I at first ignored them. I thought them as an elderly fellow stumbling a bit in the wet snow falling on the ground. But they came closer yet, and I was able to hear a strangely excited breath. Now I was getting a bit alarmed.

I turned around to find nothing out of the ordinary. Same stream of people, same lights and snow. I turned back around and shook my head; convinced it was simply my imagination that I'd heard a tinge of excitement in that husky breath.

Wait a minute. I'd been able to hear many details in that breath. That person was fairly close. No. _Very_ close.

I looked around me again, a bit more frantically than before. No one noticed me alarmed demise. And yet, I still heard that strange sequence of uneven footsteps and excited pants. Getting closer.

And then I walked faster, as I turned the corner to a private neighborhood leading to the House; the people thinned out a great deal. A very great deal – enough to leave me alone with that strange follower.

More like _stalker._

And I began running, hoping to lose the coldness as well as my stalker.

It didn't work.

I felt hands cover my mouth and legs trip me up; bringing me misbalance and a great deal of fear. Before I knew what was going on, I was being dragged down the street into a dark and miserable alley. My breath hitched as the kidnapper strangled me, and my world began to grow hazy at the edges. Sooner or later; I cannot recall, I blacked out.

I felt arms and the weight of another body holding me down when I woke up. I was on the cold floor of a dark and dirty room. Alarm shot through me, fresh with fear. _Where was I?_ I began frantically struggling to free myself. Had Linda taken my joke to heart, and told Roger to call the police yet? I sincerely hoped so.

I hoped so even more when I saw my kidnapper's face and clothes streaked with dried, crimson blood. I began to scream and bite at the hand that concealed my mouth.

"Stop!"

A ghastly voice commanded me to do so, but I did not. Who would stop in the midst of their most largest decision in life – to choose whether to live or die?

"Merinda! Cut it out!"

I froze at the mention of my name, but soon later proceeded to struggle again. Who cared if my killer known my name? It didn't save me from being murdered.

It was dark in the room, but I managed to read a small clock on the opposite wall of the room. It was 6:08pm – not long after I'd walked out of the store, 5:28pm, but still long enough.

"Merinda, please. Calm down. You're in no danger. Calm down."

His voice was tender with concern and care. Still, I didn't stop. It could be a trap. He released me, and I couldn't help but scream as I lunged toward the door.

It was locked.

"Try as you might, but you're not going to get out of this room until I let you."

Suddenly, I froze. That line…

That line had always been said with laughter. It had always been said with a smirk. It had always been said with a victorious tone.

That line had always been said when Beyond had successfully captured me in his room during our weekly games of Rabbit and Fox.

"B….Beyond?" My own voice was shaky. As soon as I had said the word, I felt my face heat up and tears being to form in my eyes. I could barely support myself as I stood, trembling with leftover fear and astonishment.

"Yes, it's me." Something clicked, and the dim lights flickered on. I turned around slowly with wide eyes.

There Beyond stood, with dried crimson streaks of blood on his shirt, and a purely happy smile on his face. More like a smirk. Nevertheless, it'd been a happy and satisfied expression – an expression Mello would surely wear if he'd bested Near in something.

We slowly walked over to each other. He raised his arms and pulled me into a hug. I did not care for the gruesome blood on his shirt. I did not care for his oddly-smelling and messy hair. I latched onto him tightly, tears streaking down my cheeks as I sobbed into his shoulder.

"Beyond. You're alive! You're alive!"

He rubbed my back, fatherly-like. With a content tone, he replied with a smile. "Of course I'm alive. You wouldn't think that I'd die after I left, would you?"

I laughed despite the tears running down my face. He wiped them tenderly away. My heart pounded and I could not help but say the words I'd always wanted to say.

"Beyond. I love you more than anything else in the world."

His eyes turned sad as he slowly smiled back at me.

"I love you too, Merinda. I'd give my life for you."

He leaned slowly towards me and planted a chaste kiss on my lips. I longed for more, but I had known from the moment I'd seen blood on his shirt that he was the serial killer they had spoken of on the newspaper. He was constantly on the run, and to wish that he'd come back with me to the House to live a peaceful and happy life with his old friends and I was more foolish than the most idiotic schoolgirl's crush.

He knew I understood. He offered to escort me back to the House.

We walked in silence, hand in hand. We took the long route back to escape notice from Beyond – whom thankfully, had changed his bloody shirt to a clean one – and I wouldn't have cared if he hadn't. He was mine, from now on until our deaths, we'd be together – perhaps not physically, but forever in spirit.

He walked me to the iron gates of the House. He left me there, kissing me one last time and telling me that he longed for more than anything else to stay and be with me, but he had to first complete his lifelong goal – overcoming L. It seemed sensible for a top successor of L to want such a thing; and although I wished he didn't; I knew that that ambition would be the one to drive him to survival and success to his plan – and eventually return to my open arms.

We bid a sad farewell, and I choked back tears; for I knew that crying at his departure would only strengthen his regret for leaving me behind. We hugged for a long time, until he reluctantly said he had to go. I told him I loved him again, and we once more kissed.

I walked in silence to the entrance to the House.

I did not know what to think. I did not know what to feel.

All I knew was that I'd love Beyond forever; regardless of what he did, or what I did. We'd be together forever in perhaps not in physical forms, but in spirit. We'd always have each other's hearts and love.

I'd remember him always, and remember the time he declared his love for me forever. I'd cherish the emotions and touches; so that when I recalled all of them later in my life – I'd remember everything about him as clear as a bird's first flight.

* * *

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